tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
