It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have aggressive nipples.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
