...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This house was built for laser tag.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Randomize
