I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
