I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
operation have a gay friend backfired
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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