i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
