She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
