Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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