So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
