I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
