My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
