so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How naked do you want me to be?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
