Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
