So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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