OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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