I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
