oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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