with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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