i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
