Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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