I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
