Grow some girl-balls and come out already
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
