we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
