bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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