I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
