I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
