Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
