1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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