So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
