I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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