How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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