That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
