Pappa wants mamma naked
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
