You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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