I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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