ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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