coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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