Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
