Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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