its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
