Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
