Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
