Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Randomize
