but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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