first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
