she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
