I accidentally had phone sex last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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