I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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