Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
