Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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