The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
