people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
