People in love make me want to vomit
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
