There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
