then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
