You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
