i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
