Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
