just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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