I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize