i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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