There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
