My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
