Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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