Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
