Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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