The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
