you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize