What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
