I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
