I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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